I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
