i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
