@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
