you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
PANTIES FOUND
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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