she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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