my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
