So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
