had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
