i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
