Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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