what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
