just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
