she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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