Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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