If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
