I accidentally burped into my bong.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
People in love make me want to vomit
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
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he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
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I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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