New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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