We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
