I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it's great music for shaving your balls
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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