i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
