His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
