dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
