if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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