Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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