wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
