I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
