6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
