I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
