Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who died my cat blue again?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
