Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
