When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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