Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
