if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
