your parents love me but you hate me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
