WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
