He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
