I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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