im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
