I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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