I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
