well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
