if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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