Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
