i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
