im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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