You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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