Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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