we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
