i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
