I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
