I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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