No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
