we were pretty classy up until the second keg
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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