So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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