I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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