This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
