ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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