beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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