I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
