He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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