Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
